Shining the ball...

I usually am careful about not writing or saying anything that listeners or readers, especially those of the fairer sex that know me, would term offensive. Note that I say term and not find, because there are any number of things that are automatically termed offensive or indecent by, may I say, 'decent' women, even though they may not in reality find them offensive. A simple example would be - any references outside of the medical journals or women's magazines made to any one of the organs of reproduction or excretion that god has endowed us humans with. If you are alarmed that I am trying to start another "men versus women" thingy here, you can relax. All I want to do is to buy some insurance against charges of indecency by women in my close circle of friends and family who may happen to read this blog and who may mistakenly think that this blog is addressed to them. So if you are a woman and know me well and like me, go ahead and read at your own peril...

Since you are now reading this line, I assume that you are either a rugby player, a guy, an indecent woman or a "decent" woman willing to excuse my transgressions into the other side of decency. So the matter is settled - either you will not get offended, or you will get offended but you will not tell me.

Let me now get busy with the subject of this blog, which is that of shining the ball in cricket.

Anyone who has watched cricket would have noticed cricketers shining the cricket ball. Shining the ball is a very important part of the game. However, I am not going to get into a detailed treatise on the merits of shining a cricket ball. It is sufficient to know for the purposes of this blog, that a ball that shines is better than one that doesn't and that there are various techniques for shining it.

These cricket-ball-shining-techniques predominantly involve first applying spit and sweat and what not on the ball with the fingers (for some reason, I have never seen a cricketer spitting directly on the ball - may be its against cricket's reputation of being a gentleman's game. I don't think applying phlegm is allowed either..) and next, rubbing the cricket ball like hell on various parts of the body. I am ok when it is rubbed on the arms, or on the thighs, or for that matter, even on the buttocks (Imran Khan was good at this). But I just do not understand why some of them rubbed the ball - right next to - you know - the male thingy - the short leg. I have thought about it quite a bit - it just isn't natural to rub something as hard as a cricket ball there....I mean it looks so horrible - why would anyone do this in front of all those millions of people who are watching every move the circketer makes. I have a couple of theories about this which I want to explore (you may not agree with what I have to say - but do think about it).

One obvious thought that comes to anyone's mind when he/she sees a guy rubbing something vigorousy in the region around his crotch is - is he trying to - you know - experience certain pleasures (to put it very decently!)??. However, I am disinclined to take this argument any further given that no normal man (assuming these guys are normal) would be so frisky as to want to indulge in such activities in the burning hot sun and with a million people looking down at him! These are not some billy goats out to have a good time in the sun, these are rich and famous cricketing personalities who are out there to win the cricket match and who have no dearth for anything in life including the company of some of the most beautiful women! So - that theory holds no water. Lets flush it away.

That leaves me with the other theory (which I feel is a lot more plausible and rational) as to why some cricketers rub the ball - in the region of the short leg between the two long legs or between two fine legs for that matter - just to shine it.
If you have ever actively been involved in sports - I mean the kind that are played out in the field, then you will know that playing an active sport like football or hockey, when played in the true spirit involves a lot of sweating. Yes - you sweat buckets. Your clothes are soaked in sweat by the time you finish. Now think about these poor cricketers, always out in the sun, for days, sweating and sweating. Now throw in some "less than 100%" hygiene. Very soon, you would be playing the gracious host to some really nasty skin infections. The most common one being what we call the 'dhobi's itch' . This is a rash that itches like hell and typically infects the area in the inside of your thighs, right next to - you know where! And thats exactly where some of these cricketers rub the ball(s)! The other day, I saw one of these cricketing greats on TV - he was shining the seam of the ball...and yes, he was rubbing it there. I mean - who would want to shine the seam of a cricket ball? It is of no use to shine the seam ... or was this some new strategy? Actually no. I figured that the seam of the cricket ball is quite rough and so can scratch better when rubbed in the right places and thus provide a greater itch satisfaction!! No wonder this dude was shining the seam!! He must have had one hell of an itch! For him - a ball in hand was better than two in the bush! What else could the poor man do?

I tend to really believe in this second theory of mine - though its a little difficult to prove. I have started to empathize with these cricketing dudes - it really doesn't matter to me where they rub themselves with the ball - after all it is a human thing. Its just an itch.